I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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