Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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