drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
