there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
