she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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