We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
