Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
