my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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