What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
All I want is dick and wine.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
