i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
