Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Are we still banned from the library?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
