She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
