I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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