Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
