my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
