'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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