I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
