I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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