I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
