I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
