no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
