saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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