farters have to be the big spoon...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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