thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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