wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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