youre lurking in front of me
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
