I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I look better un-naked...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
