I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
