i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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