I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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