So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize