What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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