My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
