Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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