STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
