Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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