She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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