Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
