I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
whose ass print is on the piano?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
