Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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