Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
