She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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