The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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