i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
