just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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