Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
