Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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