he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
