I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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