I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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