ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
