i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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