I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
