Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
