I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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