Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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