I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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