Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
They are going to name an STD after you.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
