But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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