Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
