I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
