i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
