Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
