Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
