Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize