I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
