I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
