Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
