I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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