You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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