Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
