Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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