My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
