I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
