remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
