dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize