Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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