Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
