Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
