wakey wakey hands off snakey
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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