i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
