Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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