I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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