The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I am midnight drunk by noon
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
