I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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