OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
