just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
