too bad you live with your parents still
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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