: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
