Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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