This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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