I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
