Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
