It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
