I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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