and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
is wine microwaveable?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
