I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
