why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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