great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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