wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
3pm strippers are depressing
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
