Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Found your dick twin last night
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize