ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
