Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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