I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
