At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
