im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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