Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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