My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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