Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
