you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
