I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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