On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize