I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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