It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
