why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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