Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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