im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We named our party play list daddy issues
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Randomize