i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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